omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
