I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
