I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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