I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
