We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
