omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
