great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
