I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Two words: nipple clamps
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