dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
thus making me awesome and them whores
someone owes me an orgasm
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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