Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
