I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
