I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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