A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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