I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
