The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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