If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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