It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
