dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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