By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
