Well apparently he's into motor boating.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
