Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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