I just cut my nipple shaving
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
