i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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