If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
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