I didn't shave. On purpose
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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