Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
