i already hear my dad disowning me
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
