Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
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