Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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