one might say we're banned from that church
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
