return my video game
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
