I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
