I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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