I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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