Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
