Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
