I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
