What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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