I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
being pregnant is like rehab
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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