whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
