I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
