i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
