he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
