I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
zippers are such a cool invention
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
