If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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