So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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