Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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