i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
