are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
