My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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