I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
