i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
