Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
