I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
