i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
