Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
