he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
