we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
