you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
