There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Everyone says I win the strip club
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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