You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
honey bunches of taint.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
