Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
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THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
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