It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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