how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
