who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
