i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
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